My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
