Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
