got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize