She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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