Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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