I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
