so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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