You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
