yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
