Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize