last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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