the new term for farting is butt boxing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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