u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
