Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
