Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
being pregnant is like rehab
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
