What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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