quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
