I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dick very happy bro
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