I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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