Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
