I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
