Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
