Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
