True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
