My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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