Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
