eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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