Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
