Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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