Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
