why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
