Too much gin, very little bucket
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize