Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
