One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
