A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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