He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
