just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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