So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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