he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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