the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
