she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
