Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize