what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
