Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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