You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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