Texts From Last Night

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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?

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  (601): is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ? http://tfl.nu/isdq
  Replies (17) Good night (1283) Bad night (3921)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.

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  (717): i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now. http://tfl.nu/sepd
  Replies (86) Good night (5184) Bad night (2157)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.

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  (808): Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger. http://tfl.nu/99q6
  Replies (8) Good night (1455) Bad night (4152)
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  (310): View more from California

  I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it

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  (310): I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it http://tfl.nu/jugc
  Replies (8) Good night (1241) Bad night (3673)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.

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  (425): Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years. http://tfl.nu/f3i9
  Replies (8) Good night (700) Bad night (3531)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar

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  (937): It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar http://tfl.nu/zdja
  Replies (5) Good night (1484) Bad night (553)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

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  (801): I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified http://tfl.nu/y3tt
  Replies (13) Good night (2539) Bad night (1128)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face

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  (403): i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face http://tfl.nu/onze
  Replies (11) Good night (993) Bad night (561)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio

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  (302): Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio http://tfl.nu/5lxt
  Replies (9) Good night (2030) Bad night (553)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.

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  (518): Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try. http://tfl.nu/4xiu
  Replies (2) Good night (773) Bad night (349)
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  (562): View more from California

  New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.

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  (562): New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches. http://tfl.nu/v2w2
  Replies (9) Good night (799) Bad night (407)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!

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  (519): Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?! http://tfl.nu/c1nz
  Replies (7) Good night (542) Bad night (282)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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  (330): ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/f5ew
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (251)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.

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  (814): I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro. http://tfl.nu/ilnn
  Replies (1) Good night (555) Bad night (221)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.

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  (361): I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom. http://tfl.nu/yz2v
  Replies (1) Good night (309) Bad night (144)

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