Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
