im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He felt like a one man threesome
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.