A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth