I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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