I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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