3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE