I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.