New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fuck appropriateness.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i came on her dog
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize