so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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