why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
