I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
