i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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