I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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