Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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