Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
