Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
