can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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