are you still at the devil's house?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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