we have officially lost it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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