The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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